After my day I came home looking to settle in for my glorious 1 day weekend. A day that is all about this guy, but I pull up to my place someone is parking in my space. Odd Roommate never has anyone over, he's a hermit...
So turns out as I'm going up to the door a cute girl steps out...and behind her Roommate. To say I was stunned would be an understatement. Now I had suspicions that he was seeing a girl but no proof, my only thought was no one could be working out as much as he claimed. I'm greeted with a stunned look on Roommates face.
"Oh high Shameful....this is Girl" and after a brief introduction he leaves her and follows me into the house. "Shameful what's up, why are you home early?" He's clearly a little shaken. I explain that today is my short day...so I only get home very late instead of insanely late. "But Shameful...I didn't expect you for another hour..." and he scurries outside and they take off. Which is great because Girl was in my parking space, and I'm a busy guy who hates to walk.
Roommate is no ladies man, hell I'm glad he's with a girl but that was yet another kick to the old ego. Here I am, broke, out of shape, tired, and nerdy. All alone on a Friday night when my equally neckbeardy pal Roommate is out with a girl.
I might have to look for the party liquor... On the plus side I owe Roommate for inviting his mom over when I was trying to put the moves on one of my old girlfriends, maybe he was worried that I'm the vindictive type. So is walking around with you're balls out taboo when you're roommate has a girl over?
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Knowing Roommate, and his lack of social/human skills, I must disagree with your assessment.
ReplyDeleteThe Girl must have been a seamstress, fitting and designing a new dress for Roommate, which he will show off to his mother on his next trip north.
No cause for alarm, no signs of the apocalypse here, just Roommate being his normal transvestite self.
Oh yes, balls out and blasting porn from your bedroom is viable, considering his prior behavior.
ReplyDeleteI believe a standard, No-Pants policy should apply in your household from this point on.
given the gem of a human being that roomate is I suggest a balls out approach at all times. Also make sure that you tell him that he will die by traitor's hands.
ReplyDeleteAlso this 'girl' that showed up could be a seamstress as the good Doctor claims or she could be a he. You should ask roomie if he has touched 'her' goods.
The Lord has a point, perhaps roomate spends quality time with an artificial (wo)man.
ReplyDeleteOf course, it is of equal probability that it really is a she and she is, how do you say, prosthetically endowed south of the border.
Shamefull, has roomate been playing banjo music recently?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say Girl is a female, most likely by nature and if not a pretty solid post up. She (shim?) had very petite hands...however the possibility exists that Girl may use strap-ons my Intel is poor.
ReplyDeleteHowever after leaving Roommate the gift of a condom on his pillow I was informed that Girl is just a friend. In my limited iterigation Roomate would give no other details, but based on his attitude I am convinced he is sexless. I am saddened and disappointed by this.
However this brings up another question, if Roommate has girls around is it out of bounds to hit on them? My gut says no, but I do like him paying rent. It's a quandary, help me Internets!
Considering the appendage blocking Roomate has inflicted on you in the past, my sage advice is to go for it.
ReplyDeleteAnd, since she is, by his own account, just a friend, the bro code does not apply.
As a sovereign lord i here by grant you title to tap that ass. She is just a friend after all. Plus is roomie gets upset you know it was more serious. So if you look at it as a science project you are further absolved of any wrong doing since you know 'for science!'
ReplyDeleteAs your local avatar of chaos I demand the following actions be taken:
ReplyDelete1)Accuse the 'the friend' as loudly as possible of brushing up against your balls... do this while using a seductive glance his/her way. If sexy time develops you must comply, For Science! Shim or no.
2)Bring 'the friend' up in inquisitive conversation, always with a well timed and sensual hip-thrust to accentuate your desire
3)While both the Roommate and 'the friend' occupy the Shameful domicile you are to play, at max volume, 5 minutes of porn followed by 5 minutes of a home family movie (doesn't have to be from your family) in alternating sequence for 1/2 hour. After which you are to emerge in tears, wiping your eyes with 'used' tissues.
4)If sexy time does not develop from demand 1) then present 'the friend' with a gift. I recommend the leather ball-gag that the Roommate used for himself the last time he crawled into your bedroom looking to chase the lonely away.
Steve all of these suggestion are pure gold and I will be putting them in my personal book of smooth moves!
ReplyDeleteI do have a question about #3 do you suggest that I make a mix video or crazily jump back and forth between them? He would have this coming since last girl I brought over he was talking about pumping up porn on the TV...and doubtless bad porn to. The kind of porn where the guys start without the chicks...
Also in the case that sexy time does develop and it is a Shim what is the proper shim ettiquet?
If sexy time antics ensue, remember the old maxim...
ReplyDeleteIt does not matter whether you are the driver, passenger, tied up and gagged in the trunk, or lashed to the fender like a prize buck. You are still in the gay car.