A shameful path has lead me here

So I'm working again. I missed a year of work because I was a fool, and decided it was time for law school. Now for those of you who don't know, law school is a place for human suffering and debt accumulation, under the guise of doing something “noble” or “expanding you’re horizons”. But it gets worse, when the suffering truly hits a crescendo and you foolishly believe that life could get no worse, that is when the job hunt begins. Now working in Satan's Profession is not as easy as one might think. It turns out that there are a lot of lawyers out there, hungry sociopaths chasing ambulances pleading for work. They need the work, the student loans are so large that they will crush the soul and leave only a husk of a person behind. This was always the case but due to the meltdown the profession of law resembles a blasted nightmare Hellscape where men are driven mad and women cry out to the heavens for deliverance. Students with great grades and great extracurriculars can't find jobs (unless they will work for free). My grades suck, my extracurriculars suck, but I got a job. But then I'm no normal law student. I am a neckbeard, a nerd, a computer programmer.

My desire for such frivolities such as shelter and electricity, as well as a wish not to be made Uncle Sugar's eternal debt slave drove me back into the arms of the most evil of masters, the computer. Computers are a lot like the God of the Old Testament, a lot of rules and no mercy. My job is to tell them what to do. It’s sort of like being a teacher…only instead of giving knowledge to children it’s like commanding a genie whose only desire is to turn your wishes against you. Think of the monkey paw from the Twilight Zone or Simpson’s Treehouse of Horror, you’ll get what you ask for but it will be twisted in some way.

As an added jab of comedy I’m working in the same office I was before I went into the den of suffering (law school). On the plus side people know me and I wasn’t a dick the first time I was there, and I’m coming in with a nice raise. But there are disadvantages as well, such as the job is really less about programming and more about me being Google or the Amazing Kreskin. As an example in my first meeting with my new boss he begins asking me questions about his network. He is allegedly the network “expert” and he wants me to advise him on his network, a network I have never worked with. I buy him off with an “I’ll research that and get back to you”. And so it begins…

Today was the first staff meeting where I was reintroduced to rest of the staff. The staff is mostly inept PC techs, and a few inept system admis. Hell the only guy who is arguably not completely inept is me and I’m no gem, my skills atrophied by a year of mind melting law school. The feelings about my triumphant return were mixed, but most are glad that there is a programmer to blame their problems on once again. This office is renowned for blaming the database for failings such as the power turning off, the phones shutting down, freak heat waves, fires, and flooding. I know it’s going to be a bumpy ride but a twist was added right off, the administrative assistant declared war on me. The AA made a gleeful announcement that “Shameful will be getting a Blackberry soon so you can ask him you’re questions!” I sat in mute horror. She had given carte-blanch for the techs to ask me all of their little questions and to solve all of their problems. I silently thanked God for Google and bit my tongue.

As the meeting moves on I’m asked what I’ve been working on. Now I’ve been back since Monday and here it is Thursday. It’s important to note that my boss has kept his distance since that first fateful meeting including missing a follow meeting with me. I have been given no direction for projects or access to anything except a laptop. I had not accomplished much, but I learned a few things.

1. My boss had stolen the source code left behind for the next programmer (me)
2. My boss had shown the source code to a consultant for no real reason
3. I found a way around the websense blocker so as to entertain myself online

After bringing up 1 and my lack of access he seemed pleased with my answers and the meeting moved on. Near the end of the meeting I was asked if I could meet with our primary client about problems they have been having and their new database requirements. I of course was not given any data about the specifics of the problem or any way to research the problems as I have no source code. I of course agree to the meeting. It should be tomorrow and I can only expect it to be funny. Sure I’ll miss a class (still in law school here) but how can I say no to a blind meeting with the main client? I can’t miss this chance to show off my ignorance!